The Green Family

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I’m tossing and turning in the middle of the night, and my sheet gets all undone and wrapped around me. Now, James believes that I deliberately steal the sheet and the comforter, but I don’t! I have no control over what happens when I’m asleep, whether I become entwined in the sheet; move over to James’s side of the bed; kick, knee, or punch him; or talk about who knows what.

While I hate being entangled in my sheet, I absolutely love the words “entwine” and “entangle.” I have noticed that I use these words a lot in poetry. Here are examples:

Example 1:

lips leaning listen now
this aesthetic whisper molds me
breathing under wraps
and sleeping over silence
defeated by my body’s army
hanging on a single rope
entwined inside my jewelry box
and all this fault is mine

Example 2:

I touched the fireflies tonight,
my blanket wrapped around me tight
instead of you so far away,
counting down until that day

when we can touch the fireflies
underneath dark star-filled skies.
Your lips are lonely- so are mine.
Meet them when our souls entwine

Example 3:

Struggling beneath these ropes of twine
and breathing into cracking hands,
entangled in my ever-present hair,
I think about sunsets and willow trees
and fall down on my bloodied knees.
Will you never break your sinking stare?
I try to halt the sifting sands
inside this glass prison of mine.

Example 4:

I stop. I starve. I streak my lips
across the paned trap in my mind.
My arms cross my chest and pull
at my painted body’s screen
until my thoughts are made clean.
I’ll choke on words, a whole mouthful
until my arms my heart entwine,
my eyes become a red eclipse.

Example 5:

Like a child tonight
Hide away from the light
Entwined in my own arms
Unravelling lost sight

Example 6:

She let her brown eyes flutter, picking through his sandy
mop of hair, pinching his biceps, and ignoring the breaking waves.
She saw a last bit of hopeful inspiration
in his reflecting eyes as she swiped at his potential tears.
Their legs entwined, rough and scratchy in the patch of grass
as they embraced with more passion, silhouetted in the sunrise.

Example 7:

The sky was blue now, their last summer sunrise
spent in moments of quiet and spontaneous inspiration
on both parts. They surrendered to silence as the waves
flattened the hills of creamy shore-sand.
“Let’s skip the goodbyes,” he said. “No more tears.”
Still, their bodies entangled in the dewy beach grass.

So, why do I like these words? I think they describe things woven and wrapped together so well, whether it’s two people or whatever. They sound so desperate, and painful, like you’re grasping for something. I think they’re also comforting, to be wrapped up in love and schnuggled. So maybe that’s why I steal the blankets and James’s side of the bed. I’m just trying to schnuggle

Yesterday, I was working in the office as usual as Eden took her nap. She was being a little fussy and having a hard time going down, as I could hear on the video/audio monitor (quick side note: new moms, this is the coolest gadget you should invest in). Anyway, so Eden starts full-on crying, so I check the monitor screen.

Here’s what I saw: Eden with her legs dangling on the outside of her crib, holding on for dear life. Our little Houdini, at it again.

I rushed upstairs to save her, comfort her, and put her back to sleep. On retrospect, I wish I could have taken a picture of her hanging on like that, or I wish the monitor had like a memory card. It was totally scary, but cool-looking, too.

Kind of like this picture:

After wasting a few sleepless hours trying to get Eden to sleep in a toddler bed, we finally put her back in the crib. I have since invested in a crib tent, so that Eden will not fall (or jump) out of her crib. This will be the intermediary solution until she’s ready for her big-girl bed.

And like the paranoid, first-time mother I am, I lie awake in bed, worrying about the countless ways Eden could get hurt. I could just picture her hanging onto her crib and falling, breaking her neck or back or something. And me, rushing in the room to find her unconcious, scrambling around to find the baby book and read up on how to give CPR to a baby with a back injury. You see, this is how sick I am.

I also run through my head what I would do if there were an earthquake or fire. With all the natural disasters lately, something is bound to happen in Utah. Apparently, we’re overdue for an earthquake.

Other scenarios include someone breaking into the house and killing us in various ways. Freaky, I know. I haven’t even watched CSI in a long time. When I was a teenager, I had like four different dreams of my brother dying in really freaky ways. Like a rock slide, staple gun, helicopter abduction…I’m serious. I also have weird daydreams about airplanes crashing and debris flying toward me. I don’t know if this is a post-9/11 thing or what.

This even extends to me being paranoid about James. Like, if he’s coming home from work late, I automatically assume there’s been some kind of accident and the police will be calling me or something. It’ll be worse soon when the weather is snowy.

So, what’s to be done? Bad things happen sometimes, and things are out of our control. It’s easy and true to say that we need to trust in the Lord, and that all things will be for our good. What’s hard is practically applying that. I know to trust in the Lord, but my baby has trouble breathing after birth, or a 105-degree temperature, or a burned hand…how can I not be a paranoid mom? This stuff isn’t going to stop, either. It’s only going to get worse when Eden grows up and could get hit by a car or snatched at the store or, heaven forbid, something worse. How do parents take these worries in stride and just live life? I heard once, “If you fear death, you fear life.” I don’t want to fear life because this is our time to grow, to be tested. I know I shouldn’t fear death because it isn’t the end.

What do you think?

Me around sixteen

Me now

Tonight we are flying to Los Angeles for a little vacation. James has a couple of meetings on Wednesday, but from there on out, we’re just having fun. We’re going to spend time with my sister and brother-in-law in LA, as well as James’s brother and sister-in-law in Ventura. I’m excited to have a little get-away and to see family, but I’m also a bit anxious.

“Anxious” is a really interesting word. It means both worried and excited. Like both good and bad. I think what I’m mostly anxious about is our day at Disney Land.

The last time we went to Disney Land was September 2008, when Eden was only three months old. Now, she’s sixteen months, and I know she’ll definitely enjoy it more this time. She loves Mickey Mouse and fun rides. She really likes people and exciting things. And I do, too. I like going on rides and having fun.

However, Disney Land also makes me anxious, as in “full of mental distress or uneasiness.” I’m not a big fan of crowds, to say the least. There are so many things to do at Disney Land that I feel stressed to do and see everything, to “get my money’s worth,” as my mom would say. And so many things come into play, like, “Oh, we need to get here now because there’s no line,” or, “This ride is better than that one,” or whatever. I’m not upset with whomever I’m with for making suggestions like this; in fact, I appreciate others to lead the way and know the rounds at Disney Land, because I sure don’t. It’s just the situation is stressful to me, but fun, too.

I think this time, things won’t be as stressful because Eden will be older and we can take her on more rides. Another plus is that this time I won’t be worried about breastfeeding Eden. Last year, I had to either nurse Eden or go to the baby center to pump in order to feed Eden. I missed out on a lot of good things and worried about going back and forth and all that.

Here are a couple pictures to show you my anxiety last year:

The picture below just cracks me up because I’m not the focus of it, but if you look in the background, I’m spazzing out.

Wish me luck!

This weekend, I had the wonderful opportunity to listen to and watch the 179th Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a practicing Latter-day Saint, it’s very refreshing to have a sort of pick-me-up every six months, to hear the words of God through His chosen servants. The counsel and guidance they provide is literally scripture. What a wonderful gift.

Although all of the speakers brought valuable information to share and were very inspirational, there were two parts that touched me most.

First, the beautiful arrangement of “O Divine Redeemer” by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. This is the kind of music that makes me feel like my heart is on fire…in a good way.

Immediately following this song was Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s talk on the Book of Mormon. His testimony of the Book of Mormon was so powerful and struck a chord with me. I only hope that one day, I can be so bold in my belief in God and be able to share it with others.

Today, Kate told me that her favorite poem of mine was “Inside.” For your reading pleasure, I have included the poem below:

Today while I was sweeping the kitchen floor, I was thinking about the word “indelible” and when I first became acquainted with it (because words are like acquaintances to me). I asked someone (either one of my parents or a teacher) what “indelible” meant, and they told me it was something that couldn’t be erased, no matter what. They likened it to the line of dust that remains next to the dustpan when you try to sweep everything up. No matter what you do, you can’t get every bit of dust into the dustpan. There’s always the line of dust.

I first asked about the definition of “indelible” because of John Mayer’s song “My Stupid Mouth.” The second half of the second verse goes like this:

Can’t sleep. Must update blog.

As my idea for this blog entry seems to be deterring sleep, I figured I’d deal with it like I did with morning sickness–just get it out, and move on with life.

This afternoon, as I emptied the dishwasher, I noticed something slightly out of place on the top rack (and yes, I do have a certain way of loading the dishwasher). Nestled among sippy cups and spatulas was–none other than–the DVD remote control. Of course. James must have spilled something on it and realized that it needed a bath.

WHAT?!

Turns out that Eden, who loves getting into the dishwasher, somehow slipped the remote control onto the top rack. Apparently, James was loading the dishwasher and set Eden on a stool next to him so she could “help.” So, either Eden has the ability to see the flu virus on the remote control and was trying to save our lives, or she thinks we watch too many DVDs.

I would imagine it’s the latter. Probably.

I’m not sure if the remove control will still work, but it doesn’t really matter. This little incident gave me a few chuckles. It also made me think about the relationship James and I have with Eden, and who really has the control, so to speak. Just like we fight over the remove control, we often fight over the controlling position within a relationship. And Eden is definitely learning how to push buttons–both literally and figuratively.

Consider these everyday occurrences, and who possesses the control:

• In addition to climbing into the dishwasher, Eden enjoys licking the nozzles of cleaning products located in the cupboard beneath the sink. While this is only slightly toxic for her (“One sip can’t hurt”), we couldn’t bear to drill a hole into our precious knotty alder to install a cupboard child lock, and thus decrease the property of our house even more. Who has the control?

• Eden has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night, which, consequently, I have adopted. I wish I could let her cry and teach her how to fall back asleep on her own (heaven forbid), but her crying keeps me awake and may even wake James (who hardly sleeps, himself). So, I am compelled to give aid to a deprived child, who is without binky, without swaddling blankets, without two types of lullaby music. And even when she falls back asleep, I lay awake in bed, thinking about dumb things like blog posts. Who has the control?

• I think Eden may be some sort of hypnotist. The other day, out of nowhere, James concluded that Eden did not have enough toys. Therefore, we rushed to Walmart and strolled down the toy aisles, selecting several things. We came to the bike aisle and found it necessary to place Eden in the PowerWheels Dodge Viper (how could we not?). Is there any doubt that Eden will get a car for her sixteenth birthday? Or maybe her second? Who has the control?

Truth be told, I watch too much TV. There are certain shows that are set to my DVR that I watch on a regular basis. For example: The Office, So You Think You Can Dance, House, American Idol, The Amazing Race, etc. And still, I have added another favorite to my list: Glee.

Glee is a new show on Fox about a high school glee club, or a show choir. I like it because it has quirky characters, such as Rachel, who aspires to be the next Celine Dion; Kurt, whose father has known he was gay ever since he asked for “a pair of sensible heels” for this third birthday; Quinn, who is both the captain of the cheerleading team and the (pregnant) president of the celibacy club…the list goes on and on. Combined with these multi-faceted characters is a witty script and amazing musical performances.

When I watch the performances, I go through a range of emotions; I can’t stop smiling, I get goosebumps and chills, and I just want to cry–in a good way. The actors/singers are very talented, especially the male and female leads. Check out this video.