Yesterday, I was working in the office as usual as Eden took her nap. She was being a little fussy and having a hard time going down, as I could hear on the video/audio monitor (quick side note: new moms, this is the coolest gadget you should invest in). Anyway, so Eden starts full-on crying, so I check the monitor screen.
Here’s what I saw: Eden with her legs dangling on the outside of her crib, holding on for dear life. Our little Houdini, at it again.
I rushed upstairs to save her, comfort her, and put her back to sleep. On retrospect, I wish I could have taken a picture of her hanging on like that, or I wish the monitor had like a memory card. It was totally scary, but cool-looking, too.
Kind of like this picture:
After wasting a few sleepless hours trying to get Eden to sleep in a toddler bed, we finally put her back in the crib. I have since invested in a crib tent, so that Eden will not fall (or jump) out of her crib. This will be the intermediary solution until she’s ready for her big-girl bed.
And like the paranoid, first-time mother I am, I lie awake in bed, worrying about the countless ways Eden could get hurt. I could just picture her hanging onto her crib and falling, breaking her neck or back or something. And me, rushing in the room to find her unconcious, scrambling around to find the baby book and read up on how to give CPR to a baby with a back injury. You see, this is how sick I am.
I also run through my head what I would do if there were an earthquake or fire. With all the natural disasters lately, something is bound to happen in Utah. Apparently, we’re overdue for an earthquake.
Other scenarios include someone breaking into the house and killing us in various ways. Freaky, I know. I haven’t even watched CSI in a long time. When I was a teenager, I had like four different dreams of my brother dying in really freaky ways. Like a rock slide, staple gun, helicopter abduction…I’m serious. I also have weird daydreams about airplanes crashing and debris flying toward me. I don’t know if this is a post-9/11 thing or what.
This even extends to me being paranoid about James. Like, if he’s coming home from work late, I automatically assume there’s been some kind of accident and the police will be calling me or something. It’ll be worse soon when the weather is snowy.
So, what’s to be done? Bad things happen sometimes, and things are out of our control. It’s easy and true to say that we need to trust in the Lord, and that all things will be for our good. What’s hard is practically applying that. I know to trust in the Lord, but my baby has trouble breathing after birth, or a 105-degree temperature, or a burned hand…how can I not be a paranoid mom? This stuff isn’t going to stop, either. It’s only going to get worse when Eden grows up and could get hit by a car or snatched at the store or, heaven forbid, something worse. How do parents take these worries in stride and just live life? I heard once, “If you fear death, you fear life.” I don’t want to fear life because this is our time to grow, to be tested. I know I shouldn’t fear death because it isn’t the end.
What do you think?
Wonderfully put Jordan! I feel the exact same way… including coming up with a game plan incase I am attacked in my bed. "Who do I run to first…Which child do I save…." Just wait until you have more than one to worry about…it just gets multiplied!