Another book I have on my Kindle is A Little Princess. I have always loved the movie, as well as the song, “Kindle My Heart.” I haven’t seen it in a long time. I keep looking out for it on TV. I guess I could find it online. Technology is amazing.

After I left the dentist, the numbness continued for several hours. It was weird kissing Eden and only feeling the left side of my lips against her skin. I felt like everyone could see the right side of my face just hanging down. I was happy when the numbness finally dissipated.

Now, I should mention that there are times when being numb is awesome. Exhibit A: giving birth. SO glad I got an epidural. My contractions were just starting to hurt when I got it. I’m glad I didn’t have to feel that pain for the next several hours. Still, the numbness felt (or didn’t feel) weird. I couldn’t hold my legs up or feel them at all. James and a nurse would have to hold my legs when I was pushing. I couldn’t feel Eden’s head coming out because I couldn’t feel anything at all. It was harder to know when the push. In fact, I couldn’t feel my legs well until the day after giving birth. And then I kind of had to learn how to walk again.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: I’ve never felt like more of a baby than when I had a baby. Those of you who have been there know what I mean. You lose all control of your bodily functions. You have no control over your emotions either, both happy and scared (especially when they whisk your baby off to the NICU). And that’s what I think of when I think of “numb”: No control.

When I think of “numb,” I also think of the Linkin Park song of the same name. Some lyrics that stand out to me are as follows:

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I can kind of relate to the lyrics of this song. Not so much now, but when I was in high school. For the most part, my parents were very loving and supportive. But sometimes, with school and all the extracurriculars, I felt a lot of pressure. I felt like I had to be perfect in all aspects of my life, and I definitely wasn’t. And now I’m beginning to accept that.

When I got home, the driveway was covered with several inches of snow. I decided to shovel the driveway, which is something I hardly ever do. I did this for two reasons: 1) the longer the snow stays on the driveway, the more compact it becomes, and therefore, the harder it is to remove; and 2) I knew it would make James happy and he wouldn’t have to do much or anything at all when he came home.

I’ll tell you, I definitely worked up a bit of a sweat from the exertion. I’m sure it’s gotten harder since we’ve added the addition onto our driveway. There was a lot of snow to clear! Here’s the proof:

When I was 16, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I die. Now, hopefully I’ve got a lot more time before that comes, but I also like to see progress. I’ve included the list here and indicated whether I’ve completed each task.

• Fly a kite.
• Design my own clothing. Check
• Learn how to ride a bike using no hands.
• Go to all states and every continent.
• Find my true love. Check
• Go to Prom. Check
• Graduate from High School with Honors. Check
• Write a published book.
• Produce a music album.
• Read “Phantom.”
• Compose a song on the piano.
• Appear on television.
• Fall asleep on the beach. Check
• Bathe in the moonlight.
• Cuddle at a bonfire. Check
• Learn to drive. Check
• Go rockclimbing. Check
• Go to the Grand Canyon. Check
• Go on a mission for my religion.
• Memorize “The Articles of Faith” again.
• Temporarily dye my hair a weird color.
• Go to a real spa for a facial, manicure, massage, pedicure, etc. Check
• Graduate from college. Check
• Room with my best friends. Check
• Write a missionary. Check
• Memorize sonnets. Check
• Go sledding/ ice blocking at Rock Canyon Park. Check
• Visit my grandpa’s old cabin.
• Record my grandpa’s life history.
• Go out on an actual date. Check
• Be buried in autumn leaves. Check
• Start engaging myself in art again.
• Waking up to watch the sunset on the Point. Check
• Press as many flowers and leaves as I can.
• Make an igloo out of snow.
• Go snowmobiling. Check
• Kayak to Goat Island.
• Go to every Hawaiian island.
• Become bilingual.
• Help a stranger. Check
• Not take Hawaii for granted. Check
• Visit with old friends. Check
• Be surprised at my own birthday party.
• Kiss in the pouring rain. Check
• Teach my brother to type.
• Marry my perfect eternal companion. Check
• Become a mother. Check
• Work in a homeless shelter.
• Make a scrapbook. Check
• Grow a garden.
• Buy a hammock. Check
• Learn to wakeboard/waterski. Check
• Receive my Young Women’s Recognition award. Check
• Keep in touch with all kin.
• Go to the temple. Check
• Eat seafood and cheese. Check (cheese)
• Go scuba diving.
• Go on a shopping spree.
• Get colored contacts.
• Stay out of debt. Check
• Fly. Check (indoor skydiving is the coolest)
• Babysit for free. Check
• Gain eternal life.
• Become who I am.

Not bad, not bad. How does that saying go? I’ve come so far, but I’ve still got so far to go. And that’s good.

Now, to celebrate my “old” age, a song by Yellow Card, “Twenty-Three.”

I got to tell you that he waited all his life

For someone like you to come make the wrong things right

I know he didn’t have the answers all the time

But you can’t tell me that you’ve never told a lie

We’re almost twenty-three and you’re still mad at me

So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now

Twenty-three and it’s so sad to me

You tell the world I’m dead to you

But I know you want me back now

Was it fun for you to watch him fall apart? (Watch me fall)

And suffocate him while you held him in your arms (in your arms)

I swear to … I wish he never let you in (let you in)

And I just hope we never hear from you again

We’re almost twenty-three and you’re still mad at me

So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now

Twenty-three and it’s so sad to me

you tell the world I’m dead to you

But I know you want me back

Wasted on you (wasted on you)

Wasted on you (so much time I’ve)

Wasted on you (wasted on you)

Wasted on you

On you

On you

Twenty-three and you’re still mad at me

So much that I said to you and I want to take it back now

Twenty-three and it’s so sad to me

You tell the world I’m dead to you

But I know you want me back now

I am grateful for my husband, who, four years ago, invited me to have Thanksgiving with his family because I had no where else to go. We had recently had our first date. Though I was worried about meeting the whole family and staying with people I didn’t know, I was welcomed warmly and accepted. And through the ups and downs of the time James and I dated, his family was always supportive and treated me like one of them.

The holidays are often known for creating stress among family. Each set of in-laws fighting over time spent together. Where to spend Thanksgiving, where to spend Christmas. However, I was blessed with a wonderful family, both those who are related by blood and those who are related by law. I am lucky to spend time with either and happy to share the love.

This year, we are at James’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving. I am currently sitting in their living room, listening to and watching the hustle and bustle of the preparations for dinner. Eden is napping downstairs and McCauly Culkin is singing in the mirror to “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.”

In three weeks, we’ll be back, celebrating Christmas with his family early, before heading off to Hawaii on an air plane. I am excited to be back home, in paradise, to swim in the ocean and walk on the beach. It’s been too long since I went bodysurfing.

Life is good.

Me: “Guess what today is…”
James: “What?”
Me: (pouting) “I can’t believe you didn’t remember! Our seven-week anniversary.”
James: (rolls his wolf eyes)

I no longer count the weeks or months. Years, yes. And a lot has happened in three years. Here are the numbers:

3- number of places we’ve lived, number of jobs I’ve had
2- number of car accidents, number of cars we’ve sold, number of times we’ve been to Disney Land
1- number of university degrees earned (mine), number of children we’ve had, number of deaths in the family, number of international vacations

So, a lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same. We still laugh at and tell dumb “your mom” or “that’s what she said” jokes, watch TV series on DVDs, and can’t figure out a meal schedule or definite budget. We still both play backseat driver, fight over the blanket James’s sister Jennifer made for him, and enjoy entertaining at our house. We still love each other. And in these days, that’s nothing to scoff at.

Here are some of the memories from that special day:

Newly-married. I like this picture because
we both look like we’re thinking, “Squee!”

James surprised me by carrying me

down the stairs.

I like this shot because it’s candid and still so beautiful.

This is us with our nieces and nephews up to that point. There are now four more. We were probably thinking, “Eight kids may be too many!”

While we were taking pictures on the temple grounds,

some Lion House employees saw us and were

nice enough to give us cookies.

We were SO hungry!

Vintage, classic Salt Lake wedding.

I love to see the temple!

Definitely in my top five favorite wedding pictures.

Pre-wedding interviews

Here are the songs and excerpts of the lyrics that I especially like. I have also included links to the videos of the dances which inspired me to download the songs.

“Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I’m painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won

“If It Kills Me” by Jason Mraz

Well, all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me

“Gravity” by Sara Barreilles

Set me free, leave me be.
I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

This is a typical outcome of folklore. Weird occurrences in history spawn sayings like, “Don’t step on a crack or you’ll break your mother’s back.” Sayings get passed on over generations, until they become staples. And of course, there’s the one time someone’s mother broke her back hours after that same someone happened to step on a crack.

Here’s my take on some common superstitions:

- Walking under a ladder brings you bad luck. Personally, I don’t walk under ladders because I’m afraid either the ladder or the person on the ladder will fall on me. Especially if that ladder happens to be on top of the porch and James is the one climbing to the top of the roof. This happened last weekend, and just standing under the ladder and holding onto it freaked me out. Is this because of superstition? No, it’s physics.- Having an itchy palm means good luck is coming to you. WHAT? Where did this come from? Having an itchy palm means you probably touched something that irritated your skin.

- Breaking a mirror brings you seven years of bad luck. I can tell you exactly what breaking a mirror brings. When I was about seven, I was brushing my tangled perm, and in a burst of frustration, I threw my brush at the mirror. Of course, the mirror cracked. Although my sisters told me I’d have seven years of bad luck, what I really got was a stern talking-to from my mom. Then she put fish decals on the mirror to hide the crack.

- If you spill salt, you should throw it over your left shoulder. No, you shouldn’t. You should clean it up with a rag.

- Knocking on wood brings you good luck. The only knocking on wood I have done was while playing the card game, Knock on Wood.

- A black cat crossing your path means bad luck. This is probably only the case when the path is actually a freeway. And then, it’s the cat’s bad luck, not yours. Plus, I like cats of all colors. I’m not racist.

- When a knife is dropped at the dinner table, it means a male guest will arrive. No, this means Eden has grabbed the knife from the table and purposefully thrown it on the floor. Maybe she believes in this superstition.

- At your wedding, you should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. I never really thought of this as a superstition, more of as a fun tradition. And yes, I did follow this tradition, just for fun. I wore an old bracelet, a new dress, a borrowed petticoat, and a blue garter.

So, what does this mean? I will echo the words of Michael Scott: “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little ’stitious.”

I’m back in high school or college and I’m walking around campus, looking for my classes. I can’t figure out which classes I have when and where. I look through my planner, but the information is not in there. It’s because the planner is current, and the classes are in the past. So, the whole time I’m worrying because I can’t find my class and I keep forgetting about it. I’m afraid I’m going to miss all of the assignments and end up failing.

The funny thing is, in a lot of these dreams, I tell someone, “You know, I have dreams about this all the time.” Maybe that’s the conscious part of me recognizing that I’m having the same dream again.

So, what do these dreams mean? I looked at an online dream interpreter and got the following results:

“To dream that you are late suggests apprehension for change in your life. It also indicates your ambivalence about conquering opportunities in real life situations. To dream that you are tardy projects your feelings of unworthiness. It also means you get a sense that people do not support you for the endeavor; perhaps they do not see that you are mature enough to handle the problem. Moreover, you may be overwhelmed or hesitant about certain choices you should make that will affect your future.”

“To dream that you are in school indicates that you sill harbour unsettled feelings and emotions about your youth. You may feel insufficient and unable to perform a task to the best of your ability. You may be experiencing some sort of divine revelation. ”

Is this accurate? I don’t know. Do I believe in online dream interpretations? Eh, not really. My parents gave me a dream interpretation book once because I had such vivid dreams and thought they were really interesting. But, I’m not really sure if all dreams have meanings, and how accurate interpretations are.

This kind of falls in the same area as psychics. I think a lot of psychics can say things that people can relate to, but it doesn’t mean that they can actually predict the future. Like fortune cookies. “You will experience stress in your life.” Who doesn’t? “You will see someone very close to you soon.” Who doesn’t see someone close to them every so often? So, to this particular dream interpretation, I say, Who isn’t apprehensive about a change in their life? Who doesn’t harbor unsettled feelings about their youth?

At the same time, however, I do believe that some are blessed with particular gifts.

Doctrine and Covenants, Section 46, Verses 11-26

11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.

12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

13 To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

14 To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.

15 And again, to some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know the differences of administration, as it will be pleasing unto the same Lord, according as the Lord will, suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.

16 And again, it is given by the Holy Ghost to some to know the diversities of operations, whether they be of God, that the manifestations of the Spirit may be given to every man to profit withal.

17 And again, verily I say unto you, to some is given, by the Spirit of God, the word of wisdom.

18 To another is given the word of knowledge, that all may be taught to be wise and to have knowledge.

19 And again, to some it is given to have faith to be healed;

20 And to others it is given to have faith to heal.

21 And again, to some is given the working of miracles;

22 And to others it is given to prophesy;

23 And to others the discerning of spirits.

24 And again, it is given to some to speak with tongues;

25 And to another is given the interpretation of tongues.

26 And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.

We know that some people have the gift of being able to prophesy. And, although it is not listed here, the gift of interpreting dreams is also real (think Daniel and King Nebuchadnezzar).

So, what do you think? How do you interpret this?